The Human Connection

My childhood was all about stuffed toys, role play, story books, poetry, board games, skateboarding and cycling. I was surrounded by emotion, nature and people. Back then, my parents understood that I needed other children to socialize and develop my life skills. There was a need to learn from each other. A strong need for that ‘human connection’.

I would say that in the absence of cell phones, ipads, laptops and social media, my childhood was still quite happening. My learning came through people. I learned to read faces, body language, moods and expressions at a very tender age. That helped me deal with people better and taught me the tricks to persuade and it also provided me with the space to be understood.

As a child, my idea of enjoying myself meant being out and about. Splashing muddy water in the rain, running and playing in the winter sun, cycling with my brothers around the neighborhood streets, going to the park to watch the latest craze of ‘skateboarding’. It was looking forward to my grandma's visits and all the Islamic stories that came with her. The awe that came through such knowledge and wisdom. The art of story-telling was embedded forever.

I also remember the value of boredom. Each time that I had no one to talk to, or play with, I created something to fill that void. Once, bored with my stuffed toys, I took an old discarded piece of cloth and cut it to the shape of a rabbit. I filled it up with old shirts and with a needle and thread, I produced my own bunny rabbit. A lot of my time was spent writing letters and oh the joy of receiving mail in that letter box! I don’t think the electronic inbox could ever match that feeling! To this day, I have 100’s of letters from aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and even my brothers! These letters made me more aware of my importance and worthiness as an individual and gave me my strong sense of belonging and identity.

As a child, I started writing poetry. I wrote my first poem at the age of 10. The emotional intelligence had matured enough to give birth to lyrical language. I could make meaning out of small gestures, words spoken and their abstract connotations. There was a sense of purpose and fulfillment at a young age. I knew my voice mattered.

Today, when I look at children, I find them to be smarter and more critical of things around them. But what I find starkly missing in their lives, is a sense of achievement, purpose and identity. Their electronic gadgets have given them the space to explore and connect, but what they have robbed them off, is their sense of self.

They are exposed to shallow structures, plastic speeches, and synthetic relationships within the cyber world. In this world of technology, where every bit of our existence is powered by an alternative to self, where we are lured to create such fake identities, how do we teach our children to feel pride in who they are and help them understand that what they have to offer to the world is respected and enough. Where and how do we draw the line? This pretentious self-existence is not what childhood is all about.

One of the greatest challenges of our lives today is to switch that Wi-Fi connection to Human Connection. We have to make an effort to make our children sit down and tell them what great writers they are, just how much we appreciate their sense of right and wrong. How happy we are to see them excel at sports, how proud we feel when they accommodate others to make them happy, just how touched we are to watch them express their emotions, just how thrilled we are to be around them and what a great difference they make in everyday life. We need to touch their lives in a way that helps them make sense of all that’s around them and what a significant role they hold in transforming lives. Setting high expectations in this regard is vital.

Childhood is about fun and play, but it is also a time to discover self. A time to uncover potential and possibilities. The emotional intelligence crucial to this moment in time doesn’t come through technology, but the indispensable human touch.

A Promise Of Happiness

 

One of the most difficult decisions of my life revolved around staying together as a family or separating to make ends meet. Being together meant holding on to my job, a newly acquired position, a salary and a newly settled in apartment, whilst separation meant, leaving the job, abandoning the position, quitting a salary and losing a home that we had been securing almost a decade.

We found ourselves trapped in this situation just before recession hit us and many around us. The year was 2008. It was a curved and blinding road that we both had been travelling and there was never a time to take a break or review the map. Needless to say, no matter how wise you may believe yourself to be, you will face detours and diversions that will truly challenge your navigational skills.

We were at these crossroads when I conceived Zain. Instead of celebrating the news, I felt tears in my eyes and can never forget the worry that clouded my senses, taking away the joy of having a baby. I just knew that I couldn’t afford to leave my job. Also we couldn’t afford to keep any domestic help, and the financial mess that we were sucked in, made us contemplate the most dreaded of all decisions. That one week, which followed this revelation, was one that truly tore my soul apart. I understood all arguments. They were mathematically accurate and definitely added up to the senses. But the heart, which had just started to beat, was defenceless and weak. And the thought of deserting life was much more daunting than any other emotion that engulfed me at that time. My pale existence perturbed my partner who was probably in the same boat as myself.

After many tears and a life changing discussion, we decided to have the baby but to sustain as a family, we needed to separate.

Despite the challenges that awaited our decision, our hearts almost immediately synced and we made a strong resolve to get through it together. I decided to complete my school year, saving every penny, realizing the responsibility that comes with commitment. We never discussed the looming uncoupling, but tried our best to hold on to hope and better prospects.

Nine months flew and on May 7th 2009, Zain Noman finally came in to our lives.

At that point, his arrival meant departure. We packed up in a span of 45 days, and ventured into yet another unknown journey. Apart from a few things, every piece of furniture was sold. The utilities that made my children feel happy and provided for were uprooted. Every bit of comfort was priced and in one transaction, our whole world was disposed of.

From a full house to a single room, the journey was over-whelming and demanded sacrifice at every corner. Yet, the bundle of joy that I carried at 45 days into my new room lightened up the gloom. Birthdays were celebrated on Skype and occasional visits were a relief. Our 10th wedding anniversary came through our separation and to mark the occasion, my husband gifted me with a promise ring that I have never removed from my finger because the pledge that came through such adversity meant forever.

A year went by and the gratitude for relationships and family grew with time. My children adapted without any complaints to their new lives and learned to value small gestures and every bit of effort that is put into making someone happy.

On Zain’s first birthday, my husband surprised me with his plans to get us back home. It was a joyous moment for us. We had been able to manage and settle our lives through strong faith and resolution.

In 2010 we were back in Dubai, in a bigger apartment, with the thrill to furnish it all over again. We started off our journey cautiously but with stronger faith. In another year, I was offered triple the package I had left my job at, and in a matter of 6 years, we rebuilt our lives from scratch and continue to count our blessings.

This aspect or story of my life will remain special to me because it taught me many things.

The right decisions aren’t necessarily the ones that come through accurate or appease your sensibilities. They are sometimes the most obnoxious or unfavourable ones. Also, doing the right thing, no matter what the consequences, is important because the energy that comes through good things or acts, leads to fulfilment and eventual success in life.

Nothing lasts forever. It is our disposition through joy and sorrow that adds or depletes our lives of gratification. That adversity makes you stronger and faith guides your intuition. That loss can sometimes mean recovering the invisible.

The fear and worry that consumed me on the arrival of my little baby boy has been replaced with manifold joys and blessings. Today Zain turned 7 and each time I celebrate his birthday, it reaffirms my faith in Allah and how abundant He is with His blessings.

Today, I truly understand what Zain’s arrival meant. “A Promise of Happiness!”

The Right To Life on International Women's Day

The whole adventure that lies in growing up to realize who you really are is what I call evolution. The process is a journey of self-discovery and fulfilment. Although the concept is truly complicated, the success of this expedition itself is pre-determined by attitudes and the necessary attributes. The triumph and failure of this operation solely depends on our disposition as people and the energy that we are willing to consume and deliver. Our emancipation as a free people lies in unseen and unspoken buoyancy.

Having established my say on what truly matters in the process of evolution, I would like to settle in with the idea of equality when it comes to the right to life. The miracle of child birth is such a wondrous phenomenon, that it not only declares a baby being born, but also professes the emergence of a mother. When one is blessed with children, boy or girl, the notion of possibilities, happiness and fulfilment walks in.

Today, as we celebrate Women’s Day, I’d like to reflect on that equality and right to life. The equality, which we all debate about fiercely in the light of cultural, religious and human rights. A human being has every right to exercise his or her will to live and prosper as an individual having the right to choose. Freedom in essence, is the ability to take your own decisions and select your own destination. It is shouldering the responsibility from the beginning till the end.

The parameters of equality do not succumb to gender. The concept of egalitarianism encompasses both sexes and their right to express their identity and convey their happiness and state of wellbeing. The success of a just society lies in how brilliantly the individuality of each member is acknowledged and supported to flourish and achieve.

Therefore, when we celebrate women, we need not look at them as a segregated ego, an isolated story or the locus of power. Equality is a concept that should be spread through the society in the form of education, security, economic and social reforms, political empowerment, leadership opportunities and health awareness. The attitudes that brace such a culture, celebrate differences, accept distinctive behaviours and rule out labels.

And so, on this ‘International Women’s Day’, I would like to highlight the need for us to better define equality and how it treats both men and women. How men and women can support each other in achieving their objectives, liberating each other’s fears. Just how important it is for people to evolve and define themselves in the roles that they are most comfortable to adopt. Be they men or women.