'Nafs' The Vices Within...

My father and I worked quite closely on a book he got published on the first death anniversary of my mum. The book was about his journey through life with his life partner. It show cased his personal and professional experiences.

While going over his notes, I came across an extract that he had high-lighted planning to submit it as the Spine of the book. It was a short evaluation of self and carried his simple philosophy of life.

“Now I am 66 plus. I have retired and have all the time to reflect. Somehow Allah gave me success in all that I handled in life. I am a person of average intellect. But I feel that something inside me helps me in taking correct decisions. I wonder how He is so kind to me. I’m not regular in my Salah. In fact, with the exception of Ramadan, when I fast regularly and offer Salah five times a day, generally I offer prayers mostly when I am going through tough times in life. Along with this obvious weakness when I analyse my personality I find few points within myself which make me humble. I have never told a lie and have always expressed my candid opinion without having any fears. Whatever I do, my intentions are very clear. There is never a political angle to it. Another thing which disturbs me most is the condition of helplessness in a person. In that situation I must help. Perhaps these traits have given me a sense of high self-esteem, self-confidence and personal reassurance. I like myself!”

The book got published and was shared with family and friends. I had my own personal copy that I often read to feel a sense of pride.

For me, my father has been a great mentor. I look up to him to understand this world. This small extract encompasses his entire comprehension of life.

The lesson of success does not depend on your high intellect. The intellect is really the ability to handle life. It is the acknowledgement of an inner voice that guides you towards framing correct decisions. Honouring the conscience that almost never fails to lead you towards success. It is this conscience that protects you from failure.

Success is an understanding of one’s weaknesses. It comes through self-accountability and reflection. The acceptance of being incomplete or imperfect. The realization of better examples around to learn from. It somehow evolves through our need to look beyond ourselves and lies in the belief of a master plan for our survival.

Clearly, performing all the rituals attached to Huqooq Allah would bring us peace within. But Allah tends to answer the heart’s wishes and desires despite the irregularity and lack of commitment from our side. That is His Mercy. He knows His creation best. In difficult times, it is His Mercy that we seek and the Salah that connects or creates that focus, is again a symbol of strong reliance on the possibility of change or betterment. Success is really creating more focus and dialogue with our Creator exhibiting gratitude for His blessings despite our shortcomings. It is personal and requires self-realization.

A lot of pride is achieved through Huqooq-ul-Ibad. The truth is that fulfilling our duties towards our fellow beings might earn us the apology for being careless regarding our Huqooq Allah and win us His Kindness.

So what is it that helps us maintain a humane relationship with our fellow beings? What guides all our actions and helps contradict the “Nafs” that so often destroys our sense of morality and mental wellness.

The ‘Nafs’ awakens us to the presence of false pride, greed, envy, lust, back biting, stinginess and malice in us. We all possess these vices. Those who refuse to do so enter the most despised level of hypocrisy which defuses every possibility of a Humanitarian existence.

It is our false pride that stops us from accepting the diversity in people. The different languages, religions and customs. It is placing ourselves on the highest pedestal unable to bend or reach out. We refuse to listen to others and frame quick opinions assuming our supreme intellect. Injustice becomes a way of life and like fools we believe in winning the book for its title not really understanding the story.

It is our greed that pushes us to steal, grab and hide worldly possessions. We become envious of those who possess more than us and pray for their destruction. Revenge and Malice consume our senses. We plot and scheme through the night behind closed doors and smile at the indiscretion.

Modesty is lost in self-absorbed philosophies and self-proclaimed liberty leads to lust and erosion of boundaries.

We look at our deteriorating society and turn around to comment immediately, “Shaitaan or Satan has taken over us! We have distanced ourselves from Huqooq Allah. This is all because of our poor faith and loyalty to Deen.”

Very few hold the ability to identify and acknowledge the presence of Nafs which clearly is the Satan that resides within all of us. That compels us to adopt hypocrisy as a way of life. And so we watch Minority Killings feeling the majority power, interpret Blasphemy laws as justifiable, witness Sectarian discrimination holding political knowledge of the scam and raise our voices to Child abuse mistreating servants at home. And so, without much practical contribution to bring about change or support human rights, we lead dual lives.

The formula to control the Nafs is really quite simple. However, it requires patience, practice and tolerance. Truly the ‘Conscience’ needs to be viewed as Supreme here. Speak the truth with courage, abandon false pride and hold onto humility and modesty, let there be no malice in your heart for others accepting them as an equally blessed creation of Allah. Keep away from exploitation of the poor and help them out as much as you can.

To error is human. Surely accountability is a necessity to run a civilized society. However, much can be accomplished through self-analysis and the willingness to learn from others. I am incomplete. I lack perfection. That is the spirit to build upon.

I lie down every night asking myself many questions. Often, I sleep with peace. There are nights when I fail to like myself.  Thankfully, the prayer mat awaits that dialogue which gives me exclusive peace and hope.

My Salah places me in front of my Creator Who questions me for holding my vigilance on the Huqooq-ul-Ibad. It is at such times that I give way to my conscience which always leads me to success, a high self-esteem and personal reassurance. It is always important to like yourself! And thankfully, it is possible even with an average intellect!

  

Ye Hey Kahani Us Ghar Ki

Ye hey kahani us ghar ki

Jis ghar main hum tum rehtey hain

Woh kutba jiskey seeney pe

Hum Pakistani likhtey hain

Phir ghar ke andar daakhil hon

To sabzey ki bohchaar hey

Jab mausam-e-khizaan ho to

Gherey howey kohsaar hain

Khiltee howi se khwahishon ke

Phool beshumaar hain

Mehnat ki kiyariyon main yun

Rangeen sabzazaar hain

Roshan hain iskey raastey

Kuch mushkilon ki dhool hey

Mausam ki sakhtiyaan hain kuch

Aur kuch nazar ki bhool hey

Hey gehwaara ye khushiyon ka

Yahan sab apney se lugtey hain

Jo door hain iski khushboo se

Woh yaad issi ko kartey hain

Is ghar main rehney walon ki

Apni apni pehchaan hey

Apney hain inkey faisley

Aur apni hi uraan hey

Iskey samundaron main hey

Woh soch ki gehraiyaan

Woh aqal ki maujein sabhi

Woh Fikr ki tanhaiyaan

Ye chutt hamaree chaoon hey

Muskun hey ye sakoon ka

Milta hey har lamha wahin

Ye ashiyaan yaqeen ka

Ismey hunar, ismey kamal

Iska har ik fard be-misaal

Duniya main roshan naam ho

Azmat teri pehchaan ho

Ab unki bhi to baat karo

Jo roz sawerey uthtey hain

Andher gharondey ki chutt par

Umeed ke taarey buntey hain

Mitti se jinko pyaar hey

Jo yaad main iski ghultey hain

Tum unki bhi to baat karo

Jo sirf watan pe murtey hain

Nakaam hoi jinki tadbeer

Jo qismaton se lartey hain

Tum unki bhi to baat karo

Jo kohshishon se burhtey hain

Ye hey kahani us ghar ki

Jis ghar main hum tum rehtey hain

Woh kutba jiskey seeney pe

Hum Pakistani likhtey hain

#StopKillingMuslimsInBurma (In The Name Of Religion)

“You shouldn’t divide the world by using the Muslim slogan,” was the response of an unidentifiable Tweeter on observing a trend I was following on the slaughter of Muslims in Burma.

There was some dialogue whereby he/she tried to help me understand the need to hold strong value for life whether Muslim or not. The reservation was related to religion being used as a dangerous tool to create a divide in the world.

In any argument, I like to follow the common sense and what appeals to reason or reality. I seldom engage religion as a means to convince or rationalize my side of the story. This does not go on to suggest that my faith is lacking in any manner, but just the simple belief that a clean conscience is the best learning achieved out of any religious scripture.

Religion is an integral fact of life for believers who tend to go by it logically and at times quite emotionally. Either ways, it gives them the inner peace to follow a code of conduct and gather a sense of achievement.

Going back around 3 decades, I don’t remember any religious discussions or strong Muslim debates in my home or around the world. There was news on Palestine which held strong focus or Kashmir which was more of a political issue with India. Off and on I would hear of the Indian Army atrocities against the Muslim population there and the horrendous crimes being committed despite UN intervention. The UN appeared as ineffective then as it appears today with an ever intensified need to play a powerful role in the World Peace Process.

9/11 shook the entire world and quite definitely divided the world in the name of religion. Much controversy followed regarding the involvement of the US Government in playing the Master mind in this dirty game. While the centre stage was set up for the ‘Muslim Terrorist’, much was to be achieved in the years to follow by the puppeteers who successfully created much hatred between all communities keeping alive the Muslim focus.

Afghanistan was bombarded. Iraq was invaded in the name of being a Nuclear Terror. The entire infrastructure was brought to the ground. A running country was chased to a complete full stop. Till date Drone attacks remain controversial in their purpose, killing innumerable innocent civilians in Pakistan.

Even though, all the above moves are purely Political in nature, they are enforced with the ugliest label ever, “War on Terror”!

Whether it is Afghanis, Iraqis, Libyans, Syrians, Pakistanis or Palestinians for that matter, is it just co-incidental that they happen to be Muslims and are somehow at the receiving end of this pitiful war?

My grandma once told me that no matter how much love you give to your pet, if cornered, it will pounce on you to bite you off. I understood her at the age of 10 and the philosophy is actually quite simple. However, greed blinds those who seldom realize that creating a monster could be self-destructive! Osama Bin Laden was an American Product that back fired. The aftermath was the perfect minefield to strike gold!

The sad reality lies in all Political Heads using the Religion Card to score in their areas of interest including the Islamic States.

The only losers in this War on Terror have been the innocent people who neither invited nor voted for the bombardment and destruction. For those whose family members were killed, raped or whose bodies were dismembered the so called progress or democracy of the country holds no meaning. To them, it was the British soldier whose bullet took their 4 year old son’s life or the American Drone that burnt the entire family while they hid in their humble four wall shelter. They do not envision them as saviours or friends. Some of them will never forget the inflicted pain and wait for their turn to get back.

When the screams become louder, it is a moment to stop and think. Injustice induces anger, pain and revengeful spirits. When human life loses worth and comes down to becoming a news statistic, it is time to raise your voice and acknowledge the presence of strong grief.

The American leaders articulate their doubts and concerns to the Asian states on safeguarding their Nuclear Bomb programmes having used the much more damaging and catastrophic explosion in the name of religion.

I value every single creation of Allah. Muslim or not. But just because I raise my voice for the Muslims being butchered in Burma does not and should not label me as a fundamentalist. Would I raise my voice against any such sectarian brutality other than Muslim, the answer is Yes.

I would conclude my article with the thought that Religion is a reality in this world and those in power often manipulate its energy to their own advantage. It is important to acknowledge the mindless slaughtering of the innocent Burmese men, women and children. Not because they are Muslim, but because they are being killed in the name of Religion.

I feel no shame in declaring that I am a Muslim. I stand for peace. I believe in the sanctity of all religions and their followers. I shall raise my voice in solidarity with the victims of such brutal crimes committed in the name of Religion. Therefore:  #StopKillingMuslimsInBurma

Fitnah is a Verb...

‘Fitnah’ in the grammatical sense is considered to be a Verb. It is an act to lure, seduce or tempt. A force that creates temptation towards creating controversy and unrest. In today’s world it holds manifold meanings. In spirit it holds immense power to divide, create chaos and often results in fragmentation of the Community. We as a human race have begun to label Fitnah more as a naming word or noun. Placing emphasis and labeling the person, institution or community.

‘Fitnah’ is an Arabic word and is primarily used in the Quran in relation to the trials and temptations that the Believers may encounter through their lifetime.

If I look at the word in a Global perspective, I would have to admit that the act of destabilizing peace for any community has a close relationship to “one’s freedom of expression.”

The ‘No Compromise’ attitude that comes from “You live but once,” often adds much fire to burning the sentiments of fellow human beings. There is a very fine line that defines the parameters of a free mind to that of a freak mind.

Freedom is a necessity that promises progress and growth of both the individual and society as a whole. The definition however, has transformed tremendously post 9/11.

Starting off with the individual to small groups, leading on to institutions and eventually communities, freedom has become a selfish trait that promises self-victory and self-satisfaction. It is more egocentric and self-serving.

The moral responsibility that is necessary to an enlightened society is fast being run over by the fear of losing power and voice. People create plans and schemes to pre-empted movements or actions that would destroy the peace of opposing forces or in other words hurt their sentiments at large. Only to secure their own sense of existence.

‘Fitnah’ can also be defined as a mind-set that propagates intolerance and rigid rampages through communities or within. The forces exhibit strong resistance towards a majority sentiment or faith, ignoring the factual presence and reality.

Whether it is through words or acts, the skill of creating divisions within a community is an example of Fitnah. The principle motive behind such an act of freedom is to simply belittle and degrade the structure that holds the sentiment together. It is a calculated movement to strengthen one’s power and rule. Strong reactions and more intolerance are the outcomes of this evil. Fitnah flourishes if not recognized or rooted out in time.

Therefore, whether it is Veena Malik playing puppet to media or Tweeters playing victim to the instigating Twitter Ramadan Trends, in both cases the Fitnah lies in the act and not the actor. It is important to recognize the forces that attack and play-up our sentiments to create divisions within ourselves in the name of "Freedom of Expression!"

And so, education, responsible communication and an obligated Freedom can help us understand each other’s sentiments better to be able to differentiate Fitnah as a verb than a noun!

How Democratic Are We Today?

I try to keep away from political arguments as they often leap from the present to the past, leading to historical facts and figures and always result in a surgical conclusion. Most statistics relate to some tragedy or failure on part of some political party or political manifesto. It begins as a civilized dialogue eventually resulting in “it’s either my way or NO WAY!”

The area that always intrigues me is our attitudes and emotional outbursts that drive our ability to make sense or put up an argument. We easily disperse off the issue to get engaged in personal leg-pulling and humiliation.

As a nation today, our sovereignty is being taken for granted, our morale is being targeted along with the repetitive failure on part of our leaders to uphold the national interest or expectations of its people.

Whether it is Drone tragedies, Target Killings, Minority Antagonism, Restoration of NATO Supply Lines or provision of the basic rights to the people, the governments over the passage of time have failed all their promises.

Yet we tend to believe that our system is functional and the solution will be derived through it. I fail to understand how? We are afraid to change the faces, powerless to make decisions, lazy to hold accountability, divided in our desires and most importantly fail to tolerate a difference of opinion.

There is a sense of pride that unites the people of a country. That dignity comes from at least two meals a day, four walls to safeguard one’s life and opportunities to progress in life.

In Pakistan today, we witness a divide that has become evidently focused over the last decade. It is this social divide that has played a pivotal role in estranging the aspirations of the people as a nation.

A large section of the society is still struggling to receive their rights and make ends meet. Therefore they find it hard to make logic with the other half cruising away in their fancy cars and vacationing abroad. This imbalance of provision and power has given birth to growing hatred between the two and this animosity is evident during civil unrest when they turn towards burning cars, smashing glass to showrooms and attacking the lives of those better off even though the issue is often political.

In a situation like this, one does wonder if a solution is even possible. Quite obviously, a fair distribution of wealth would probably lead to bridging some of the divide in wants and needs to bring some unanimity.

What then of playing puppets to our Political Idols? Who will uncover the chest of treasures that are pulled out of the graveyards that are crowded with bodies of sectarian killings and defenceless minorities? How will we learn to make reason instead of adopting blind drama? Who will educate us about the system and its intricacies?

The media could play a significant role in this area, but again, the programmes are more about blame games and deliver pre-determined messages. The trust factor has gone absolutely missing and people fed-up of being cheated, revert to more idealism in form of dramas and morning shows.

The reality has become far too detrimental and killing. Therefore it is a relief to close our eyes when faced with another challenge or simply abuse the people talking about it.

At present, if you provide the people with their meals, clothe them and give them the right to a decent life, I believe they will not care what system brings them that justice. The décor has lost its importance to them. 

We need to add some value to life if we are to unite as a Nation.

So, stop the endless arguments using statistics and find solutions to lessen the gap between the two classes of our society. Instead of asserting your viewpoint, try to reflect upon the diverse perspective.

Democracy is a responsibility which cannot be left to find its own course. It requires education, transparency, accountability, justice, tolerance and patience.

And so I ask, “How democratic are we today? Or is this system just a safeguard to our divided desires?

Woh Raastey Hamarey

(My first attempt at Urdu Shairee! Somehow the emotions were'nt getting through in English!)

Yun baras ye beet gaye

Kuch sochtey kuch jaantey

Khwab they ankhon main woh

Jo neendh ke mehmaan they…

Hum chal rahey they saath saath

Go raastey anjaan they

Meree bhi khwahishen thein kuch

Terey bhi kuch armaan they…

Thein muskurahaten bahot

Ansoo bhi imtihaan ke

Umeed ke sailaab main

Behtey they kamraan se…

Kuch zindagee ki luzzat

Kuch husraton ki chahat

Kuch jeet ki tamanna

Kuch haar se bhaghawat…

Kis kushmakush main they hum

Kis bojh ko uthaye

Ke parh na paye woh thukkun

Lambey they jis ke saaye…

Uss aik pal main jaisey

Har baat ho gayee gumm

Na roshni subah ki

Na chandni qaba ki…

Woh jisko hum ne chaha

Khwabon ki chashni main

Duniya wohi thee saari

Manzil thee woh hamaree…

Kya luzzaton ka mutlab

Kya khwahishon ke maa’ni

Woh raastey hamarey

Veeran they bin tumharey…

Naughty Haadi

I wrote my first poem at the age of 10 titled "Memories". Today my son Haadi wrote his first poem at the age of 7! His general aptitude to question every rule and refusal to accept imposed learning quite evidently flows through! And he derives the most innocent solution to all his problems at the end! I love my Fighter Boy!

I am Haadi

I make a mess,

I don’t do my laundry

I never do my test!

I have a property

Of being bad,

But when I get scolded

I get mad!

I don’t follow rules in the class

My friends trouble me

I go home and break a glass

So I just want to sleep!

1^st June 2012

Equality Without Courtesy

My brother and sister-in-law browsed through the menu while I sat with them at a fast food outlet. They had completed their MBA together and shared some fine memories of their time at the University.

“Karachi was such a dangerous place to live in,” my bhabhi went on. “I remember travelling by the university bus. And I can’t forget the day that we were surrounded by an angry mob on the road who began to aim stones at us!” I looked at her unbelievingly. “Really! What did you do?” I asked her quite in awe of the picture created in my mind. “What could we do? We looked around for the boys in the bus to take some command over the situation, but found them crawling on the deck of the bus!” she laughed looking at my brother. He didn’t appear one bit pleased!

“So what did you girls expect?” he asked a little irritated. “Well, normally women do look up to men to protect them and shield them from danger or harm. The stories of chivalry and valour?” she answered a little surprised by his response. “This is such an old fashioned notion! In a moment of crisis, each one must look after oneself. Why would you expect someone else to come to your rescue? You are equally blessed with the ability to think and react in a chaotic situation!” 

Their eyes turned to me! I was listening but enjoying the fried drumstick a lot more! “What would you do in a situation like that?” they asked me. I thought for a while. “Well, I would duck at the first blow and then probably follow what everybody else would be doing. But no, I don’t think I would expect a boy or a man to look out for me.”  

At that point in life, it was a non-serious agenda for me. I was independent in thought but my responses were typically feminine. The most difficult task for me at the age of 16 was to walk past a crowd of boys assembled in the School corridor. I remember keeping my eyes down with my heart thumping, hoping to get by un-noticed. The awkwardness that followed a roar of laughter! Their presence made me self-conscious and I always looked for my friends to help me through such horrible bends.

College was an equally romantic phase. The attention from the opposite sex was thrilling but there was still a camouflage of the intense individuality. “You live in a filmy world which is unreal,” a comment I heard often coming from my mum. It was true. I thrived on the idea of being taken care of and a partner who would recite meaningful ghazals for me! And somehow that frame of mind remained for quite some time. Until I came across certain women who taught me what it is to own oneself and the true definition of equality.

Often I come across women who appear fiercely independent but throw a huge tantrum on being asked to hire a cab when the car is in the garage. They complain when being asked to manage the plumbing issues in the morning. At work, they expect common courtesy from the men regarding their pregnancies and car parking rights in a rush hour.

What got me thinking about this subject was a scene I experienced recently in a supermarket. I had filled up my basket with a few necessities but when I got to the counter, there was a long line of people awaiting their turns to pay the bill.

I got in line with everyone else. A local lady with a tall and dark gentleman approached the counter and before anyone even noticed, began to empty her trolley on the counter. The Asian man who had waited quite patiently for his turn got furious at the situation. “Excuse me, there is a line here!” he protested calmly at first. She paid no attention to him and continued to place her grocery from the trolley. “Aren’t you going to stop her?” he struggled to get the attention of the cashier. He on the other hand appeared quite helpless and afraid to intervene.

There was more commotion in the line. “She should not have broken the line!” a few whispers came in. By now the Asian had completely lost it. “How can you continue with your stubbornness?” he was now becoming vocal about his feelings. For the first time she looked at him and pointing a finger asked him to stop!

The man accompanying her came to her rescue, “What is the problem? She is a lady. You show some courtesy.” He was completely calm and his tone was persuasive. “The courtesy should have come from her. Had she asked me, I would have gladly allowed her to take my place. But she…” he was stopped by her mumbling. “You are a cheap man! In your country, men don’t know how to respect women!” 

The argument had started to incite my sense of equality now. I entered the conflict, “In our country women are treated with respect, but we believe in earning that respect!” She looked at me with sarcastic eyes. “We don’t have to earn it here. We get it.” “Well, I don’t see you getting it now!” The words came through effortlessly!

The man accompanying the lady decided to end the chaos in a light hearted manner, “Ladies first!” The whole line stared at his ill sense of humour and timing!

“There are many ladies in the line holding such heavy baskets. They are waiting patiently for their turn. They don’t expect any special treatment,” the young man decided to make a point. He had felt my support. “Of course, we expect the men to treat us as equal but then we have women who are still drowned in courtesy!” I added on. We were complete strangers from two different countries but our stance on courtesy and equality was unified. She looked at us with disgust and made her way out leaving the men to carry her shopping bags.

The whole incident awakened me to the misconceptions on equality and how women bully men with their feminine persona. Equality will not be practiced until women are ready to let go of their world of make belief that promises some knight in shining armour to come to their rescue. Until they stop using their female rights to attain meaningless advantages.

It also opened my eyes to the ever growing awareness in men regarding their acceptance of women as equal citizens. Most men desire women with independent minds who have the capacity to stand up to nonsense and move about the society with freedom and self-respect.

Your Tears They Hold No Meaning Now

Your tears they hold no meaning now

A graveyard filled with agony

No bend is safe, no street is spared

No place to hide your family!

He left his home to be with friends

In broad daylight upon his bike

They shot him down and left him to bleed

The empty eyes were hard to read!

She left her childhood at his door

With dreams to start a brand new life

They burnt her hopes to ashes grey

And left her cries for long to stay!

Her tender arms were barely six

Her face was bruised with brutal kicks

She had been found in bushes green

A mother’s doll a Father’s queen!

Yet everyday there’s more to say

There’s more to tell and more to hear

The empty eyes, the helpless cries

The Justice but within them dies!

There is no end to our ordeal

For when we think the wounds might heal

The aircraft crash echoes the sky

And many die without good-bye!

We go insane with so much pain

We stand in queues to claim our names

For many days we weep and cry

And then Alas! The tears go dry!

Now nothing moves and nothing stirs

The Power Players have set the game

It blinds them all, consumes their needs

Their conscience hardly ever takes heed!

They do not care how many die

They care not why or when they do

For them this is a petty price

A not so shocking sacrifice!

They make us feel like illiterates

Toiling the day to make ends meet

And then to pave their way to light

They put up candidates to fight!

They give us hope and promises

They sell us dreams of golden fields

And while we have them glorified

They loot and cheat us of our rights!

The cursing stare is close to break

Some questions from the tearing heart

My nation holds a sea of Screams

The vicious waves of drowning dreams!

Your tears they hold no meaning now

A graveyard filled with agony

Let just a drop of reason through

For peace to find its way to you!

More Than A Pretty Picture

On Twitter recently a follower responded to my declaration of 300 followers with a statement that I had been able to attain this number because of my pretty display picture! “The advantage of being a Woman!”

An interesting and humorous dialogue followed with obviously no real conclusion. His logic however did get me to think about it and I wondered how many people actually understood me or believed in my cause. So this article is no sarcasm to his point but I'm grateful for the inspiration he provided.

Therefore, I think it’s important that my followers take a moment and have a look at my ‘advantageous life’ to decide realistically if they made an error of judgement. Thank Twitter for the ‘Unfollow’ button.

In life, I am a daughter, sister, wife and mother…

As a Daughter

My world is infinitely silent in the absence of my mother who passed away quite suddenly having being diagnosed with Lung Cancer some seven years back. I don’t enjoy the regular calls of a worried mum for her daughter and there are no instinctive warnings to keep me away from danger. Yes, the woman with the selfless love and prayers connects only through my imagination.

That leaves me with my father. He lives in Lahore Pakistan and is a retired Aeronautical Engineer. He served both PIA and Emirates Airline and met with great honours on the way. 

There is a huge crater in my heart from the day I left him alone in his home without his companion. That fear of him being alone and more than that lonely pushes me back to him cancelling all desires to spend our holidays discovering new places. He fills up the refrigerator on hearing about our plans to visit and puts the camera on charge to capture every possible moment! I look forward to being with him and sharing his thoughts.

As a Sister

I have two brothers and a sister. Being third in line, I’m always seeking their attention! They treat me like a child and enjoy my humour and childish demeanour. I share Sharjah with my elder brother whilst the other two are in Pakistan.

I often share my feelings with my siblings and blog about shared memories as well. I’m close to my sister as she is the eldest and my elder brother who has a fantastic sense of humour and is by all means an adventurer.

My younger brother who is the youngest is my best friend. He holds all my secrets! We spent the most number of years together and he has the credit of bashing up a boy for troubling me! So, you have been warned.

As a Wife

I’m a very demanding, noisy and reactive wife! Okay before you round up any conclusions, I’m demanding on equal respect, time and space. Noisy with my affection, gestures and… well complaints! I call myself a reactive wife because I find it really hard to keep my opinions to myself.

We had a love marriage and practically jumped into a well! We are strugglers focusing on the finer moments of life to keep us going believing in each other’s love.

I married him for his eyes! And later discovered that he had actually married me for my nose! So, there you go! Married with the right reasons!

As a Mother

To this day, I can envision my eldest son’s eyes that looked at me while he was placed onto me right after being born! They were innocent, vulnerable and magnetic eyes! The same eyes searched me for an answer when I left his hand on his first day at Kindergarten! He holds my heart and his pain and joys are always doubled for me.

My middle son is an artist. He makes me proud and I enjoy his rapid fire rounds on “Tell me Why?” He questions all our moral values and refuses to accept anything that does not appeal to his senses. As a mom, I require the most amount of patience with him and he too cashes on his individualism.

The youngest is a missile. You will find him loitering in any Mall singing aloud, “Saada Haq aithey Rakh” or “Chama Chamara, in his language which is actually the song ‘Lucifer’! My day is spent in his company and he can melt my heart in the most furious moments with his candid remarks. He is just about 3.

This is the Woman that is acceptably at an advantage. I am grateful to Allah for blessing me with not just a life but people who are my family and enrich that life. The reason I have shared this aspect of my life with you is to help you see as to what do I take on as an 'Advantage'.

To me however, these are all ‘Adopted Roles’ that have their influences on my personality.


However, there is a woman inside me who desires a ‘Self-Identity’. When I log on to Twitter, I don’t wish to be viewed as a daughter, sister, wife or mother. I am an individual with a goal in my life. I am an Educationist, a Teacher who wishes to enlighten as many lives as possible through my blogs and my thoughts.

I’m not at all trying to glorify my individuality in comparison to my roles above, but People who fail to see me as an individual with the capacity to think beyond relationships should consider the ‘Unfollow’ button.

The advantages of being a woman are plentiful. But her greatest disadvantage lies in being tagged. You need to look beyond the pretty picture!