My brother
and sister-in-law browsed through the menu while I sat with them at a fast food
outlet. They had completed their MBA together and shared some fine memories of
their time at the University.
“Karachi
was such a dangerous place to live in,” my bhabhi went on. “I remember
travelling by the university bus. And I can’t forget the day that we were
surrounded by an angry mob on the road who began to aim stones at us!” I looked
at her unbelievingly. “Really! What did you do?” I asked her quite in awe of
the picture created in my mind. “What could we do? We looked around for the
boys in the bus to take some command over the situation, but found them
crawling on the deck of the bus!” she laughed looking at my brother. He didn’t
appear one bit pleased!
“So what
did you girls expect?” he asked a little irritated. “Well, normally women do
look up to men to protect them and shield them from danger or harm. The stories
of chivalry and valour?” she answered a little surprised by his response. “This
is such an old fashioned notion! In a moment of crisis, each one must look
after oneself. Why would you expect someone else to come to your rescue? You
are equally blessed with the ability to think and react in a chaotic
situation!”
Their eyes turned to me! I was listening but enjoying the fried
drumstick a lot more! “What would you do in a situation like that?” they asked
me. I thought for a while. “Well, I would duck at the first blow and then
probably follow what everybody else would be doing. But no, I don’t think I
would expect a boy or a man to look out for me.”
At that
point in life, it was a non-serious agenda for me. I was independent in thought
but my responses were typically feminine. The most difficult task for me at the
age of 16 was to walk past a crowd of boys assembled in the School corridor. I
remember keeping my eyes down with my heart thumping, hoping to get by
un-noticed. The awkwardness that followed a roar of laughter! Their presence
made me self-conscious and I always looked for my friends to help me through
such horrible bends.
College was
an equally romantic phase. The attention from the opposite sex was thrilling
but there was still a camouflage of the intense individuality. “You live in a filmy
world which is unreal,” a comment I heard often coming from my mum. It was
true. I thrived on the idea of being taken care of and a partner who would
recite meaningful ghazals for me! And somehow that frame of mind remained for
quite some time. Until I came across certain women who taught me what it is to
own oneself and the true definition of equality.
Often I come
across women who appear fiercely independent but throw a huge tantrum on being
asked to hire a cab when the car is in the garage. They complain when being
asked to manage the plumbing issues in the morning. At work, they expect common
courtesy from the men regarding their pregnancies and car parking rights in a
rush hour.
What got me
thinking about this subject was a scene I experienced recently in a
supermarket. I had filled up my basket with a few necessities but when I got to
the counter, there was a long line of people awaiting their turns to pay the
bill.
I got in
line with everyone else. A local lady with a tall and dark gentleman approached
the counter and before anyone even noticed, began to empty her trolley on the
counter. The Asian man who had waited quite patiently for his turn got furious
at the situation. “Excuse me, there is a line here!” he protested calmly at
first. She paid no attention to him and continued to place her grocery from the
trolley. “Aren’t you going to stop her?” he struggled to get the attention of
the cashier. He on the other hand appeared quite helpless and afraid to
intervene.
There was
more commotion in the line. “She should not have broken the line!” a few
whispers came in. By now the Asian had completely lost it. “How can you
continue with your stubbornness?” he was now becoming vocal about his feelings.
For the first time she looked at him and pointing a finger asked him to stop!
The man
accompanying her came to her rescue, “What is the problem? She is a lady. You
show some courtesy.” He was completely calm and his tone was persuasive. “The
courtesy should have come from her. Had she asked me, I would have gladly
allowed her to take my place. But she…” he was stopped by her mumbling. “You
are a cheap man! In your country, men don’t know how to respect women!”
The
argument had started to incite my sense of equality now. I entered the
conflict, “In our country women are treated with respect, but we believe in
earning that respect!” She looked at me with sarcastic eyes. “We don’t have to
earn it here. We get it.” “Well, I don’t see you getting it now!” The words
came through effortlessly!
The man
accompanying the lady decided to end the chaos in a light hearted manner,
“Ladies first!” The whole line stared at his ill sense of humour and timing!
“There are
many ladies in the line holding such heavy baskets. They are waiting patiently
for their turn. They don’t expect any special treatment,” the young man decided
to make a point. He had felt my support. “Of course, we expect the men to treat
us as equal but then we have women who are still drowned in courtesy!” I added
on. We were complete strangers from two different countries but our stance on
courtesy and equality was unified. She looked at us with disgust and made her
way out leaving the men to carry her shopping bags.
The whole
incident awakened me to the misconceptions on equality and how women bully men
with their feminine persona. Equality will not be practiced until women are
ready to let go of their world of make belief that promises some knight in
shining armour to come to their rescue. Until they stop using their female
rights to attain meaningless advantages.
It also
opened my eyes to the ever growing awareness in men regarding their acceptance
of women as equal citizens. Most men desire women with independent minds who
have the capacity to stand up to nonsense and move about the society with
freedom and self-respect.
