I remember my first driving lesson. I reached the driving school looking for my instructor. She was a lady from the Philippines. On appearance she was short, very sturdy looking and a complete tomboy. She was enjoying a cigarette when I approached her with my papers. She looked at me and gave me a smile. She was quiet and reserved. And I found her to be a little cold.
I was a complete beginner with just a little information on gear changing. I sat at the driving wheel. She asked me to buckle up. I followed like a good student. The car set off on a jerky ride. It was a little like getting on the stage for my first school debate. It was thrilling and a little frightful. As soon as I would come to a roundabout, my heartbeats would take leaps and jumps! To me, it was more about making a horrible mistake and looking like a fool. She always looked on the road ahead, only communicating when required. It was a one hour lesson and I was relieved when it came to an end.
The days that followed were more or less the same. She was punctual and would always be waiting for me at the same spot. Sometimes I was glad she didn’t talk too much. But there was a discipline about her that made me uncomfortable.
It was a hot summer day. We were driving towards a crowded bazaar. Normally she never smoked during a lesson but that day she looked a little irritated. I quite naturally assumed my driving skills to be the root cause and that added to my nervousness. She instructed me using short commands, ”left”, “right”, “indicator left”! I tried to comply efficiently so as to not annoy her further. We entered the crowded area. I lost my entire confidence. I became extremely cautious and reduced the speed considerably. The road was a measured rectangle and on completing a full round she lost her cool.
“Park the car!” Her face was flushing with anger. I quietly found some space and parked the car. “Come to my seat!”, she walked out of the car and came towards me. I felt a little anger at her constant bad mood and sat in the passenger seat. She buckled up and though the car could only speed up to 60 kms, it was quite a lot in a jam packed street.
She screeched off, clearly releasing her frustration. “Why are you so afraid? Why can’t you just let go of your fears? Look at me! I have the driving wheel. If I turn it right, the car goes right!” She turned the car right, using the indicator and the round was completed quite noisily. She parked the car and looked at me. “You are always driving in fear. If you will drive like that, you will not only hurt yourself but also others. When you hold this steering wheel, it’s in your control. It won’t go left on being turned right!” I listened to her a little numb. I was sure what she was telling me was something important, but the whole experience had been too unbearable. I showed her my disappointment at her sudden outburst through my body language and took to the driving wheel again.
I came home and my sour mood continued for a while. I was stressed with this lady. It was an ordeal to go for the lesson the next day. When I reached the school, I found her in a smiling mood. It made the travel a little better. I wondered if she had committed an offence in the Driving School Policy the previous day and so was putting up a good face. But somehow, there was a genuineness about her that I couldn’t deny. She was who she was. She never pretended to be polite, courteous or for that matter political. Surely I had my share of footpath rambling and poor calculation in distances. But in order to meet her level of expectation, I let go of the fear of looking foolish or making a mistake and drove with a little more confidence. She passed on a few encouraging remarks and in a matter of a month and a half, I received my driving licence.
The joy of passing the road test was just phenomenal. I was hugging and screaming with total strangers! I ran out of the result room and saw her sitting on the car. The exhilarated emotion on my face gave her the good news and she extended her arms for a celebratory hug. I thanked her and that’s actually where her services came to an end. As I walked away, she called out my name and I turned to face her. “Remember, You are in control of your car. It will follow your orders. So the power lies with you. Making timely decisions related to what you want to do, where you want to turn will make you a confident driver. Best of luck!”
Her advice has been quite inspirational. She had been a good teacher. Though her manner had been a little intimidating, she had driven the fear out of my mind.
Often I like to take my children out for a drive now. And it’s miraculous that each time I hold the steering wheel, it helps me realize my true potential to drive away in any direction, at any speed and without any anxiety. I enjoy the freedom that comes with this independence. On a road with so many cars, buses and lorries, I own my own little space and that makes me a fighter. Every day, those few moments on the road, power my confidence and accelerate my desire to achieve something.
Still sometimes, I take sudden turns or get in the neutral mode at crossroads but nevertheless, ‘the power lies with me’ and I am ready to find my way having absolutely no fear.
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