It was a difficult time in my life. The protection, security and the very spirit of my existence had been left amidst an emptiness. The life that I identified with, stared in my face like a stranger. My mother had passed away, and my father had left Dubai which had been home for all of us since ages. The shelter that I thought I would possess forever, had been taken away from me.
At this difficult time, I decided to get back to work. I had my son who was just two, and had my mother been alive, she would have opened her arms to embrace him and take care of him while I started work. Much had changed. I entered school with him and somehow, everything came to me as new. The environment, people and my relation to them all. Although I had taught there before, this appeared as a new beginning.
The first few days, teachers were attending specially arranged workshops. The first workshop that I participated in was based on a book called, ‘who moved my cheese’. It was conducted by very talented twin sisters, who became really good friends later, and dealt with the idea of ‘change’.
They spoke about human beings adapting to change in different ways. Often people expect life to move with the same fervour and strive to achieve their daily goals as planned by them. They feel happy with the familiarity of the surroundings and sleep content knowing the focus would not blur in the morning. I listened to each conclusion identifying with the feelings and emotions that it gathered along the way. I too had imagined my life to always be centred around my home and my parent’s home. The carefree visits that promised gifts of selfless love and understanding were visualized as forever.
The workshop continued and the idea of change was conceived as an occasion for people to vent out their anger and frustrations. A lot of people find it hard to accept change because it challenges their beliefs and strong ideals. They struggle to get life back on track and in failing to do so, get filled with an empty sadness. It reminded me of the day I had received a phone call from my father confirming ‘lung cancer’ with my mother. I had planned my son’s first birthday with their consent to return from Pakistan to attend it for sure. I stood alone in the balcony of my apartment, feeling a heaviness in my soul. “Things will never be the same again”, was a thought that crossed my mind a thousand times that evening. I cancelled the birthday plans and the anxiety that followed through was the perfect example of a dreaded change.
Sometimes, change can be pleasant and people accept that more readily. However, change that has no human initiative can be very disturbing and frightening. A fellow colleague stood up to speak. “I feel that I can connect to this scenario of imposed change. Due to financial difficulties, my husband and I had to take up the difficult decision to separate as a family. I have come to Dubai with hope to make a better living. It’s a little frightening to start life from scratch…” and as she spoke, tears ran down her face reflecting the helplessness that filled her and the compulsion to go with the flow. I too felt her pain. Here I was, a complete stranger to life. No body knew who I was. No one recognized my face. I had no friends from yester years to laugh with or share my thoughts with. It was a complete new beginning and it was frightening to take that first step.
Change however, does carry with it, realization of the worth of everything lost. While we take our life and possessions for granted, we seldom feel grateful for their presence in our lives. The ladies continued to share their thoughts while I heard a distant phone ringing, “Hello, Shama! How are you? What is Sameer doing?” It was my mum, who called me every day to inquire about my day and my son’s meals. She spoke while I answered with a little irritation wondering what could change in 24 hours? Sometimes, she would purposely not call me to see if I would take the initiative to inquire about her absence. And I always disappointed her. Today, I understand just how special I was to her. My life and my existence held a strong meaning to her. The phone hardly ever rings anymore and sadly, I can’t pick it up to make a call either.
The workshop came to the conclusion that ‘change happens’. It is ‘unavoidable’ and the only way to accept change is to keep the mind positive and expect to learn far greater lessons. The ladies summarized the entire book review in these golden words, “Expect change to happen and adapt to change with positivity”.
Eventually, I did accept the changes in my life. It was tough and the journey was a lonely one. I drowned myself in my work and each time I raised my head up to view my life, it had moved on.
With time, I have become quite adaptable to change. I expect it to happen any time, I plan to overcome it with a far greater inner strength and believe that it shall bring with it wisdom and far greater lessons to be learnt.
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